Jay Leno: “You need a soulmate not a cellmate”

While I regularly write about two people falling in love and finding romance, I do my best to create likeable characters. But on the way to that happy ending where life ends in happily ever after, I also make up the bad guys who try to sabotage the couple’s blissful union in some way.  In between coming up with these characters, there’s research. Any decent writer knows research is a key component to producing a good story. Browsing the Internet yields all kinds of info. As I surfed the web last week, I came across a transcript of Jay Leno’s commencement speech he gave last month at his alma mater, Emerson College.

In reading his words, Mr. Leno delivered 12 rules he’s followed along the way to an illustrious career in show business. Not a  bad role model to be handing out a course to follow, especially when his audience is young enough to benefit from his wisdom.

Some things on his list were fairly standard. Advice every college graduate needs to hear just starting life at the brink of “commencing” a job search. Stuff like, “Try not to get a regular job because, when you get a regular job, you start acting like regular people.” And “Never turn down a job because of money. Rather, turn down the job only because you don’t like it. Money will come.”

Somewhere along the way I missed those two points of light. I’ve taken many regular jobs and I admit I’ve taken them for the bucks to put food on the table. But I digress. That’s not the reason I write this post.

While Mr. Leno’s personal nuggets were genuine there is only one that stands out for me and the reason I came up with this blog post. One thing he said was absolute golden. Heed it above all others. Chant it like a mantra.  I’m putting it in bold  to make my point, or rather Mr. Leno’s point.

Don’t Have a Relationship with a Partner Who Doesn’t Get It

“You need a soulmate, not a cellmate.”    1 Cellmate or Soulmates

We all make this mistake at some point in our lives. But this one rule is worth repeating again and again and again.

Don’t Have a Relationship with a Partner Who Doesn’t Get It

“You need a soulmate, not a cellmate.”

Finding a soulmate is difficult enough, if not downright impossible. But having a cellmate in a relationship is more common than you think. It’s toxic, toxic to your emotional state and physical well-being. So much, that at times a person in this environment finds it nearly impossible to make smart decisions or see the most logical way out. Let me be clear here. A cellmate relationship is different from going through a “rough patch.” A rough patch in a relationship is where there’s still hope, hope that the situation will eventually work itself out through counseling, that somehow you might be able to keep the ship from hitting the rocks and crashing. A rough patch does not equate to the “cellmate” partner. Living with this type of personality is exactly what it sounds like. The partner has you trapped and will refuse to negotiate on any level–about anything. It has to be their way or not at all. They’ll even use your own kids as the hammer to get you to fall in line. They usually see you as the enemy and will make life hell for you at every opportunity. They see you as an inferior being, something they can use until they get tired of the game.  I liken the “cellmate” scenario to a prisoner of war situation. They first isolate you from your family and friends. They won’t allow you a decent night’s sleep. You’re often too sleep deprived because your living situation is like a war zone. Because of that you’re often kept in a muddled state of confusion about your home life. You aren’t sleeping in the same bed. You aren’t sharing household duties or following any type of routine because the partner is unwilling to carry his or her share of the load. It’s all on you. They hoard money and call it “theirs.” After all, they don’t want you spending a dollar on yourself and will go ballistic if you dare buy a burrito for lunch. But they will expect and sometimes demand you spend money on them, demand vacations, demand jewelry, etc. but then accuse you of being too extravagant. It’s a no-win situation. Heed the red flags. No matter how hard you try you will not fix the “cellmate” partner or make them happy. Case in point. They won’t crack open their own wallets on the household budget or spend a dime on the kids, but they’ll purchase expensive gadgets or designer items for themselves because everything is about them. In many instances these toxic people are too busy creating drama where there is none. They will go to extreme lengths to get their way. Whether it’s by lying, cheating, or stealing, they will do anything and everything to control the situation. If you’re in a “cellmate” living arrangement, I urge you to get out. Leave. Seek help from family or friends, even if it’s been ages since you’ve spoken to them, reach out. The world won’t end because you walk away. The earth won’t stop turning on its axis because you decide to leave behind a no-win “cellmate” relationship.

On this one point alone, I think Jay Leno hit a homerun. If just one person out there recognizes the need to leave, it’s a good day. You can read the entire transcript of Mr. Leno’s commencement speech here.


One thought on “Jay Leno: “You need a soulmate not a cellmate”

  1. Just finished the evil trilogy, got the 1st free on book bub liked it so much I bought the other 2. That is the first time I’ve paid for books on line. I really enjoyed reading them. Thank you.

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