There’s something about having the safest place in the world for you in the same room. ~ Julia Roberts
Actress Julia Roberts has stunned fans for decades. Who out there wasn’t charmed by her portrayal of Maggie Carpenter in Runaway Bride? And can you picture anyone else playing Vivian Ward, the hooker with a heart of gold, any better than Julia Roberts did in Pretty Woman? Probably not. Remember Grace in Something to Talk About? Who didn’t side with her against the cheating Eddie?
That’s why it’s great to read how happy she is these days. And according to the interview she gave in the October issue of Allure magazine, she’s singing the praises of her strong, loving relationship with her husband, cinematographer Danny Moder. Since they’ve been together for thirteen years that longevity sounds so unHollywood-like. But what’s notable here is that she says Danny makes her feel safe, secure, more confident in her work, and goes on to describe a natural chemistry of joy between them. Wow! Natural chemistry of joy sounds amazing. Isn’t that what all married couples should strive for? Isn’t that something they had to feel for each other at one time or another in order to take that initial, serious walk down the aisle in the first place? You would think to achieve that goal on the road to happily-ever-after, every couple out there would practice that safe, secure, confident thing with each other, right?
Not so fast.
Maybe if two people are able to toss in a heavy dose of respect for each other along the way, you stand a greater chance of developing a winning formula that lasts. Respect for each other is essential, especially in front of impressionable kids. Without showing each other respect, all you really have is a crash and burn scenario that sets your relationship up for serious failure. Respect is key. During times of stressed out and hurt feelings, if you’re able to fall back on the respect you have for the person you paired up with, it will get you through a lot. After all, neither party should expect to run a prison camp or a dictatorship and call it a marriage. A successful relationship is NOT either one of those things. When you said “I do,” you were hoping for a soulmate, not a cellmate.
Sad to say, that hellish atmosphere thing at home is the norm for many. Too many. I should know because since I published my first book four years ago, readers reach out and share their personal, painful, real-life experiences. For them, marriage hasn’t been a bed of roses. It’s more like a horror movie that doesn’t stop.
I’m not a relationship expert, nor do I want to be. For that kind of serious help you need a pro. There are plenty of blogs out there written by noted psychologists far more adept at handling questions about these kinds of situations than I ever could attempt to address. And I’ve recommended those sources to my readers.
Having said that, I DO know one thing. No matter what people tell you, relationships are not supposed to be WORK. If you’re in one where home is hell and your partner piles on a ton of stress, day in and day out, you’re with the wrong person!!!! Plain and simple. All the therapy or couples counseling in the world will NOT change that one fact.
That’s one reason when you hear about a good marriage working out it’s worth the mention. But if your partner is a nightmare, if there’s no mutual respect in your household, if screaming matches (or worse) greet you as soon as you walk in the door after an eight-hour shift at work, if your home life is a living hell, then it’s okay to start considering the alternatives. It’s okay to start visualizing a little peace and quiet for yourself. It’s okay to leave. Remember, it’s okay to take care of your health, your well-being. In other words, take care of yourself. If you don’t, who will? Improve your living situation. Don’t put up with a hellish environment where a partner makes you feel lousy about yourself. Nowhere is it written that you should endure such emotional abuse. Life is too short for that. There is hope out there. And you can do it!!!